Alright, San Francisco, it’s time we had a little chat.
I know you still consider us new to these parts. But we’re not exactly tourists, either. Face it, we’re moving into our new apartment this weekend and pretty soon our dog is going to be pooping all over your sidewalks. So, for the sake of our relationship, hear me out.
Let me start by saying how beautiful you are. If a unicorn and Pegasus mated, it still wouldn’t be as striking as you. Seriously, Lisa and I love it here. Between the architecture, the parks, the shopping, being able to walk everywhere, the bulgoggi sandwiches from Kingfoot Subs…we’re lucky to call you home. You make Albuquerque look like the waiting room to hell.
But being new residents affords us a fresh perspective on this city. And I think there are a few areas of improvement you may have overlooked. Not that we’re complaining. It’s just that everything can be enhanced, right? Take Michael Jackson’s nose for example.
What follows is a short list of ideas that could help this city run a little smoother.
-Time the stoplights accordingly so pedestrians don’t have to wait at every crosswalk
-More bicycle lanes
-Muzak in bus shelters
-Sidewalk escalators
-Fresh-baked cookies served on the bus
-Free dog walking service carried out by the homeless
-Colossal golden statue on top of City Hall of our governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger
One more thing. This rain business really has to stop. I don’t mind walking 30 minutes to work every day. But showing up to my place of employment in soggy jeans is just plain unacceptable. And if the wind turns my umbrella inside-out one more time, there’s going to be hell to pay.
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